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Like Bill Clinton before him, Gov. Mark Sanford of South Carolina has "a zipper problem."

You've heard the riveting details. On Father's Day weekend, Sanford, 49, mysteriously disappeared. It's one thing for a private citizen to go missing but front-page stuff when a prominent Republican governor -- who aspired to run for the White House -- suddenly vanishes.

His wife, Jenny, 46, the mother of his four sons, didn't know his whereabouts. Then his equally mystified staff said he'd mentioned hiking on the Appalachian Trail to escape the stress of governing.

The stress presumably referred to the mess Sanford has inflicted on his state. He stubbornly refused to accept federal stimulus money, and waged war with angry legislators.

South Carolina is hit hard by The Great Recession, but Sanford put his presidential ambitions first. He's a Bible-quoting fiscal conservative who thought his refusal to take federal stimulus money will endear him to conservatives if he runs for president.

As for the Appalachian Trail, it was a clever explanation. The trail is 2,100 miles long and a battalion of media would have trouble tracking him down in the wilderness.

Sanford was never on the trail. He was thousands of miles away in Argentina with his mistress. He'd boarded a plane for Buenos Aires to spend "five days crying" with his sweetheart.

On Wednesday he reappeared in South Carolina, where he held a rambling, weepy press conference. In gripping detail, he said his relationship with an Argentine woman (named "Maria") had gone into "serious overdrive" a year ago.

His press conference was so enthralling that it was aired live on national TV. Like all good soap operas, it was packed with sex, tears and drama. Besides, it diverted the nation's attention from The Great Recession, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the riots and repression in Iran, etc.

Sanford's "zipper problem" is one of the few issues in American politics that is truly bipartisan. Bill Clinton, a Democrat, had it with Monica Lewinsky; Newt Gingrich, a Republican, had an extramarital affair when he was House speaker leading the charge to impeach Clinton; our very own former Sen. John Edwards, a Democrat, had it while running for president; and Sen. John Ensign, a Republican, most recently confessed to having an extramarital affair. And so it goes.

Will Sanford's fling in Argentina be a career buster? I strongly suspect so. At the least, it slams the door on his White House hopes in 2012. Besides, Sanford has long been regarded as very eccentric, and voters distrust weird types.

But enough of that. Let's switch subjects from sex to smoking. Earlier this week President Obama signed a tough antismoking law. It gave the Food and Drug Administration authority to reduce nicotine in tobacco products and lower a sweetening ingredient that hooks smokers. It forbids spurious labels such as "light" and "low tar."

The law, known as the Family Smoking Prevention and Tobacco Control Act, also restricts advertising pitched toward teenagers. That, in conjunction with the rising price of cigarettes (in New York City, they've jumped to $10 a pack), should dissuade some teenage smokers. Obama said 90 percent of smokers began before they were 18 years old.

"I know -- I was one of those teenagers," he said.

When he signed the bill in the White House Rose Garden surrounded by congressmen and a few kids, Obama must have felt a bit sheepish. One of the most sensitive questions inside the White House is whether The Boss still smokes.

During the presidential campaign, Obama said he had (pretty much) stopped. Nicorette gum, he said, helped him kick the habit. Besides, he'd promised Michelle he'd quit. "I hate it," she told CBS.

And now? That's a sticky one. The Rose Garden event provoked insistent questions about the president and cigarettes. Later, when a reporter asked if Obama still smoked, Robert Gibbs, the White House press spokesman, hedged. "He struggles with it every day."

Still later Obama confessed.

"There are times when I mess up," he said. But he never ever smokes around "the girls" -- and that most certainly includes Michelle.

Rosemary Roberts writes a column on alternative Fridays. E-mail: rmroberts@triad.rr.com